June 05, 2005
the kitchen at night
the kitchen at night. this is where family occurs. you travel to emerald isle/ithaca ny/bundick va. various aunts uncles grandmas grandpas cousins etc are there. the configurations change but they are always your family. maybe it is just you and one other. mom or grandma. a glass of wine or these days a mojito. the ticking of a clock. the conversation. "well i always thought this [surprising thing about you or someone else in the family]." "wow, really? that's interesting."
i remember once on the porch at bundick the aunts and uncles there, somehow the conversation turned to me. flattered at the attention but uncomfortable with it all at once, i talked about wanting to work in video and movies. gosh, this must have been in my early 20's. we talked about my problems with school. "is this a fear of failure, or a fear of success?" asked my aunt martha. "what is your five-year goal?" challenged uncle bill. i think i met it, except instead of video, it was the web. within five years i was working professionally, earning money, working on the web, which was better than film or video as it turned out.
familiar as this scenario is, i find being around family makes me sad now. the people who are gone, i guess. the big wall of old photos wayne has put up is affecting. there's a portrait of grandma, it looks like a graduation photo. she's young, and smiling. another of her as a cheerleader at maryvale college with two friends. it's wonderful and sad all at once.
walking down the beach watching lee ann with lainey. two girls being silly, mother and daughter. it was so happy and sad all at once.
Posted by lisa at June 05, 2005 12:30 AM | TrackBack
ok, so a) your comment won't post right away because i have to approve it first and b) you might get a server error but your comment probably posted anyway and c) previewing doesn't work so i've removed the preview button.