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December 23, 2004
so much for that
i re-read megan's email tonight. the first time i read it, i missed the sentence where she said, "I've been rushing around all week trying to get all my errands and chores completed before moving to las vegas that I can't even keep my mind straight."
ok, so i didn't know that she is moving to vegas. that actually would have been helpful information because a couple of things i got her are bulky and fragile and it will suck to move them.
but the thing that really bums me out is how it underscores the gap that exists between me and my family. on my mom's side of the family, i don't really fit in and never have. i feel that my dad's side are the people i am most like, but after my grandmother died, i lost my (tenuous) connection to them.
being disconnected from them has made me sad and upset many times. being many years older than all of my cousins makes it difficult to connect with my own generation, although they are all very tight with each other. the only one of mom's sibs that i have things in common with is strange and distant from the family, including me. in fact, i used to think she hated me. she probably doesn't, but it's hard to tell.
i've always connected well with the grandparent generation, but they are gone now. my mom's mother is alive but her mind is gone. my first stepfather's mother, gran, is alive and totally there with us, but she's not a blood relation. it's different with her.
anyway. my mom forgets to tell me stuff. like, your grandfather's cancer has metastasized to his bones. or, i'm seeing someone. or, your cousin megan is moving across the country, so don't buy her any pottery serving pieces for christmas. i find this stuff out in passing, and when it's bad, upsetting news, i quietly leave the room and cry by myself.
Posted by lisa at December 23, 2004 10:13 PM | TrackBack
ok, so a) your comment won't post right away because i have to approve it first and b) you might get a server error but your comment probably posted anyway and c) previewing doesn't work so i've removed the preview button.